I have to admit that I was never quite happy with the Gallagher sketch.  I rushed it through production and I rushed it through editing.  I’ve made a few changes to it that I feel make it a much stronger work.  Enjoy.

A very important message from former President Abraham Lincoln:

Dear America,

I remember what I was doing on November 3rd, 18something-or-other… writing my acceptance speech:

Four score and seven beers ago, our forefathers who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name… The other night I tripped a nice continental drift divide. Mount St. Edelite. Leonard Bernstein. Leonid Breshnev, Lenny Bruce and Lester Bangs. Birthday party, cheesecake, jelly bean, boom! You symbiotic, patriotic, slam, but neck, right? Right. It’s the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine.

…I forget the rest.  Something about dropkicking Iran into yesterday and righting the economy by drowning it in pennies courtesy of Abe Lincoln!

The most important thing to remember is to vote how Jesus would vote even though that may be tough this election year.  Jesus is very much for cutting capital gains taxes, but is against drilling in the ocean for fear that Atlantis might be found.  (You know, when George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, and I would form a prayer chain, we were unstoppable which is why you now enjoy such luxuries such as indoor plumbing and Jimi Hendrix.)

So I recommend that you take into consideration that one candidate means unending war and the plotting of future wars with countries that don’t even exist yet, and a vote for the other candidate means that the clothes you own will be destroyed and replaced with rags of white flags from new government programs in order to ensure that all people have equal clothing.

Though I gotta say that it doesn’t really matter ’cause earth’s going to be destroyed on Decem…. whoops, gotta go.

PEACE!

-Abe