I probably should have felt guilty for telling a “kid with no arms” joke, but I didn’t because “kid with no arms” jokes are HILARIOUS! But that’s not the point of this diatribe.

The following weekend, one of the designers was walking down the street talking rather loudly with a friend about her fear of telling inappropriate jokes. The designer related my tale only to be rebuffed with, “SHHHH! The children in that house have no arms.” My co-worker wouldn’t have believed her friend had there not been, playing in the front yard, children with no arms.

What does this mean for the future of Curious America?  I don’t know.  Right now I’d just like to take the time to remember Jeremy.  Rest in peace, Jeremy… in your bed in Boulder.

Update: It’s with great sadness to let you all know that Abraham Lincoln passed away in his sleep last night. Doctors say it was alcohol poisoning. His nearly two hundred year old liver couldn’t take it anymore, grew teeth, and started eating all of his other organs. The doctor said it was the most painful way to go, but I like to think that Abe’s subconscious shrank down to miniature size and destroyed his liver before it had a chance to eat his heart. I’d like to think that but the doctor tells me the heart was eaten as well.

So here’s to Abe!
Let’s hope he’s up there in heaven right now ending slavery.

Hey guys, Jeremy here.  If you’re like me, you get a new tattoo for every day of the month. But if you’re a normal human being, it’s only a matter of time before you forget about that fairy tattoo you put on your ankle last week and get the same fairy tattoo on your forehead! How embarrassing! So how are you going to fix this one, braniac? You could just keep the new forehead tattoo, and convince your friends that it’s symbolic of your difficulty in distinguishing foreheads, ankles, and fairies from each other, or you can engage in some home-remedy tattoo removal. We’re going to go ahead and do that second one. Let’s go!

Step one: decide where the tattoo is that you want to remove. This is a vital step, and it’s important that you don’t skip it. For this example, we’ll assume the tattoo is on your palms, and that the full image is only seen when you hold your hands together, but it could just as easily be on your forehead, as in the fairy example. It is advisable that if the tattoo should be on any other place on your body, you’re better off keeping it, because tattoos are pretty boss, and people will think you’re tough.

Step two: following the palm tattoo example: Take a good hard look at your tattoo. Use a mirror. Get a really good look. Use a magnifying glass if you need to. See how when you put your hands together it creates a single image across both your hands? Pretty far out, huh? You sure you don’t want to keep it?

Step three: So you’ve decided to keep it! That’s great, because I love this tattoo. It’s the image of a salmon swimming upstream, and there’s a grizzly bear on your right hand, and you can tell he just really wants to get that salmon, but he can’t quite reach it! Ha ha ha, man, I’m so wasted!

These past two weeks have been a thrilling ride with the release of Curious People for a Curious America Episode 1. With the profits, I’ve bought a yacht, Jeremy’s bought a ray gun, Ryan’s bought two thousand bonsai trees (which he donated to various charities), and Gary bought a Ryan.

We’re smack dab in the middle of writing and planning Episode 2. Ryan’s even doing some reconnaissance in the Amazon, scouting out filming locations for the sequel to the Cancer Doctor sketch entitled Cancer Doctor Sketch 2: Cancer Doctor Goes to the Amazon.

I’m also excited to announce the grand opening of the Curious People for a Curious America Mega-Super-Store! That’s right! Own your very own Buddy t-shirt, Buddy teddy bear, Buddy denim shirt, Buddy chef’s apron, or Buddy maternity shirt! Profits go directly to the show.

Sincerely,
Me